Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
