Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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