Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
