I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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