if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
