Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
