Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
