yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
