Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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