Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
