I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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