Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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