She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
