I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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