Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize