he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
