walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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