He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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