Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
