dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I enjoy the company of your penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
