I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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