is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
