the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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