Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
