She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Randomize
