Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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