My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
