saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
