I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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