How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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