He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
