i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
