Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
