great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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