just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
