My room smells like vodka and shame
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
