oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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