is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
