saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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