I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
