grandma shit on top of the toilet
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
