I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
