What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
