the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
