have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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