she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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