like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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