So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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