i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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