Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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