Pappa wants mamma naked
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
