OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
