I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too high and old for this...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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