im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
