I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
