Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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