Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
