in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
