I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
