Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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