Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
