I must be too annoying 4 u.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
