what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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