The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
