You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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