The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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