I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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