The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
