In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
