Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
